A hungry man is deprived of food and water.
He is ill but do not have any money left on him.
He walks into a convenience store and stole a bottle of water, a bread and a box of paracetamol.
Was he wrong to steal? The answer is straightforward. Yes.
But do we see the reason behind it? He was hungry and ill. He needed food and medication.
These were basics he was deprived of. When pushed to the brim, he does wrong just so to satisfy such needs.
How wrong was he?
Similarly, in a relationship, there are basic needs to be satisfied. It all boils down to one word which is Love. It is all about someone caring for you, asking about your day, leaning in close to protect you from any visible or potential danger, What is only sweeter than how 2 persons are already in love, affections comes in next in line like adding caramel to your honeycomb. Morning and night texts, cooking together, poking fun at each other, cuddling under the sheets at 2am to watch your favourite movie, simple hugs before setting off to work and of course times where occasional flowers appear before your doorstep with a card that reads our 3 favourite words, "I love you".
When all these needs are not met but yet you do not leave. You remain in such a predicament just because of the familiarity. As humans, we are all afraid of the unknown. We do not take steps into roads that are dark and misty, unclear with unexpected outcomes. We are afraid. We are afraid of regrets. We are afraid we can no longer find someone else. We are afraid of being alone. It is this fear that surrounds us that lead to certain choices we do not want.
Being in a relationship and ultimately choosing to get married is a long term commitment. Both parties have their individual responsibility to keep this relationship going. Either one to give it up or tear it down would cause the entire relationship to die off in a cruel, slow death. As much as we need to give and take, a loopsided scale that keeps piling on one side would eventually break anyway. If you were to keep giving and your partner were to keep pushing that limit, one day you would grow tired and start to drift off from this unbalanced scale as it gets too heavy on the heart, on the soul, in your life.
At this point where all is low and the world seems to be going against you, someone appears, doing everything you have ever longed for. Doing things you longed for to be present in your partner in the first place. How tough is it not to pour your heartfelt feelings out and cry on this shoulder in front of you every time you need it. How tough is it to reject unconditional care and concern. When you get porridge at your doorstep because you are ill and have absolutely no appetite for anything else you would rather not eat. How tough is it to reject a simple gesture such as having a jacket thrown over your shoulders because you are cold. How tough is it to reject just having someone beside you, listening to your woes,watching you silently, saying absolutely nothing except to clean your tears as you rant and cry.
You would never understand how tough it is until you have seen yourself in the exact same situation. You will never point your finger at another person before understanding the entire situation.
Every situation in every relationship is different. We should never judge when we do not know the entire story.
I believe that other than black and white, there is grey too.
